im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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