This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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