the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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