Define "chronic" masturbator.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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