quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
