It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
