And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
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I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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