theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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