I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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