the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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