haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He felt like a one man threesome
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
