Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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