Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My penis needs a shock collar
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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