So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
