I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
