I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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