she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
