I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
