Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
