I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he thought i was a dude.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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