Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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