i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We had to coat check the pizza.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
