Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
