my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
