I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So apparently I’m into choking now
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