I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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