i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
