About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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