Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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