Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can I color on your dick again?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
