Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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