I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
