Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
operation have a gay friend backfired
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
