Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
