I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Green mimosas i think yes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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