I can text with my tongue
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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