until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
