in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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