So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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