last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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