We're like a lot better than the average bears
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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