only if we run a train.
done.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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