First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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