don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
