why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
