Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
