a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
