I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
