I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
