Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
