pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
