tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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