Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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