My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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