I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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