i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
