It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
