dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize