every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
