Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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