Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
