What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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