Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
