I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
