No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Two words: blizzard sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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