I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
