It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
