id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
