she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
