I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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