my mouth tastes like poor choices
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
