He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
