woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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