So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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