a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
