I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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