We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
