S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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