One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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