Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
