I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
