I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
