Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize