I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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