If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
