i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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