bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You left your underwear on the fireplace
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
